From victim to victor

General discussion
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Replace blaming and complaining with acts of intention.

9 Ways to Take Responsibility for Your Life.

We often hear to take 100% responsibility for our life. What is the big deal about it? The big deal is that it moves you from victim to victor of your life.

It puts you at cause and not at effect, meaning that you accept that you create your life and not just reacting to it. You appreciate that things happen for you and not to you.

Taking responsibility puts you at choice and that allows you to choose how to respond to life’s challenges. You move into the driver seat of your life’s journey.

Most of all, taking 100% responsibility changes your energy and the practices described here put you in higher vibrating mind-body states.

As you know, we are energy, our thoughts, feelings, words and actions are energy and the law of attraction brings us more of what we think and feel. It merely matches the energy of your thoughts and feelings with experiences that will give you the same energy.

Now, when you broadcast thoughts that result in you feeling good, the law of attraction responds by bringing you the experiences that will confirm you feeling good.

So, it pays to take responsibility of your life. Do you agree?

Let’s explore 9 ways how this looks in everyday life including your business.

  1. Take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, words and actions.

To take responsibility for your life, is to take responsibility for your powers of thinking, feeling, speaking and acting, because this is the structure of all human experience. You create your life with your thoughts, feelings, words and actions.

You take responsibility when you accept that the thoughts you have, are your thoughts coming from your mind. How you feel happens in your body and is a result of your thoughts. The words you speak come from your mouth and voice. The actions you take, are taken by you.

What this means is that nobody can make you think, feel, say or do anything. Nobody can push your buttons, because you are the button maker! In the same way you don’t have control over how other people respond as they respond from their mindset.

  1. Stop blaming

Stop blaming your partner, parents, economy, your upbringing or the dog for your misfortune. Blaming keeps you in victim mode and robs you of changing your situation.

When you stop blaming and accept responsibility, you shift from victim to victor. Now you can look at the situation and decide what to do about it.

Ask yourself, “What is my role in this?”

  1. Stop complaining

Complaining is another form of blaming and playing victim as if you have no choice. It also shows that you focus on lack, things going wrong, things happening to you. In everything not going according to plan, there is a gift, there is a bigger picture.

Ask yourself, “What is the gift here? What can I learn from this?”

  1. Refuse to take anything personal

This is a biggie. Assuming that everything is about you. Taking any form of disagreement as a personal attack. Remember, you don’t have control over how other people respond, you only have control over how you respond.

Refuse to take anything personal. It is most probably not about you, but about the issue at hand. Instead of making assumptions, rather ask questions. This is a very powerful and liberating practice, with never ending surprises.

Ask yourself, “Is this about me, or the issue at hand?”

  1. Make yourself happy

Taking responsibility for your happiness is liberating. Firstly to realize that happiness does not come from outside of you. It is not the job of your partner, parent, friend, child, to make you happy.

To be happy is a decision and the gateway to happiness is gratitude. Keep a gratitude journal and you will find lots to be happy about.

Also, do things that make you feel happy. Listen to your favourite music, surround yourself with beauty, express your creativity, do acts of kindness, etc.

Ask yourself, “What about this could make me happy?”

  1. Live in the present moment

Life is now. There is only one moment, now. The past is history, the future is a mystery, so there is only now, this moment. Take responsibility for this moment and make the best of it to redeem the past and create the future you want. Paulo Coelho wrote something to this effect in his biography.

Be the gatekeeper of your thoughts and refuse to have a rerun of the same 60000 thoughts of yesterday if they do not get you want you want in life.

Choose your thoughts carefully in every moment and when you become present you have the awareness of what you are thinking and feeling. This then allows you to interrupt thoughts that do not serve you. Deliberately change them in the moment to what you want to create in that moment to shape your future.

Ask yourself, “Am I in the present moment and what do I want?”

  1. Use the power of intention

You have the power to choose. In fact, you are making choices all the time. Tea or coffee, red dress or black dress, hair up or down, yoga or go for a run. Even by not making a choice, you are making a choice.

Become intentional in making choices by having a vision in mind. A vision for your life, your business, your relationship, your health, wealth, etc.

Living intentionally by deliberately making choices to move you forward toward manifesting your vision or outcomes, is consciously taking responsibility for your life.

Ask, “Is saying yes to this moving me towards my goal?”

  1. Feel calm and confident

When you take responsibility for your life and experience, you step into a place of calm confidence. You feel calm because you know that you are consciously in charge of yourself and that you can choose how you respond.

You feel confident that you will not fall into victim-mode by sucking up other people’s verbal vomit. They can keep those gifts.

Ask yourself, “What do I choose to accept from this conversation and how do I choose to respond?”

  1. Look for the good in people

There’s a saying that we judge ourselves by our intentions and we judge others by their behaviour.

Make it your new habit to look for the intentions behind people’s behaviour. So often when we understand where someone comes from, we let go of judgement.

One excellent practice is to remove the labels we hang onto people like bibs around their necks and that somehow gives us permission to treat them in the worst possible way. Often this applies to the people closest to us.

Ask yourself, “If I just see him/her as a human being, how will I respond differently?”

Another effective practice is listening to understand instead of listening to respond. This means to practice asking questions to really understand what the other person means, instead of waiting for a chance to interrupt and voice your important opinion.

This allows you to take responsibility to intentionally have illuminating conversations and fulfilling relationships, because the person that you are talking to will appreciate your attention, like and trust you and support you in return.

(Credits to Dina Marais)

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Wow! Good job!

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This is my favourite point. No one is responsible for your happiness but you. And you are not obligated to make people happy, it’s their job. As an ex-people pleaser, it was one of the most important things for me to accept.

So many people are trapped in this. I was raised by immature parents, and I had no childhood. It was painful, yes. But I decided to heal that and work on it, and during the process, I realised that my parents did what they could; it wasn’t their fault for being lost and immature. They had no access to the information and resources that we have now.

I’m observing many parents drowning in guilt and failure and their adult kids still angry at them for that. I am subtly helping my family to grow up, talking to them, explaining and leading by example. My childhood is gone, I am adult now, so I treat them like an adult.

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@Polaris

I would challenge this. I’d say this is still coping than facing the hard fact that what if your parents just didn’t care what they did to you and I assume they abused you or neglected etc which is abuse.

Your parents were raised badly so they know very well how bad it feels to be raised badly and yet they still did it to you. The argument “they didn’t know any better” does not hold up. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that abusing children is a bad thing.

What if people make choices and parents choose to either become their abusive parents or not. And it makes it even worse if abusive parents don’t apologize by their own accord which means they don’t regret their actions, if you try to milk an apology of your parents and your parents apologize, it is not a sincere apology.

Most people have their abusive parents in their life without their parents sincerely regretting what they did and this induces anxiety to the child, assuming the child didn’t become an abuser themselves. It triggers the fight or flight response and keeps it active inducing chronic stress. If the parents don’t apologize by their own free will and you have them in your life, you have predators in your life.

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My parents working on themselves. It takes an honest communication. Of course, most toxic parents would never admit they made a mistake. My parents once I started to explain them, they were genuinely concern. My mum had to swallow a bitter pill.

You don’t always know that you hurt someone. Emotional maturity is not something that immature parents have. They are still in their teenage phase. Don’t expect from a teenager to act and think like and adult. Don’t expect they will be responsible. But some people are willing to learn what is needed to become emotionally mature. That’s why we have therapists, coaches and guides. Because most of the people don’t know how.

I didn’t healed myself just by saying “Oh, from now on I’m fine.” I read a lot to understand so it helped me to feel more compassionate about people who are struggling. I struggled, too. Healing is not easy. Especially when you f… things up as a parent. I am lucky that I have no kids yet, but if I had them when I was 20 yrs old like my parents, trust me, I would make many mistakes.

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I’d still argue this is coping but it’s not my life so what do I know.

It’s not your job to fix others though. Unless your parents are psychopaths I would personally hold them in complete responsibility empathy wise despite being mentally teenagers, whatever that means.

Also coping language used there, “mistake” is when you forget your oven on. Mistake is not abusing your own child again and again. @Polaris

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I want to throw in my toughts.

I think Jesus words, “forgive them, they don’t know what they are doing” is correct.

When i think of a murdermost murders i think will know exactly what they do, but i believe their actual state of consciousness don’t allow them to have different toughts, impulses, emotions. They are driven to do what they do.

And this view of things helps me, to forgive and take responsibility for my own Life.

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@Dodo

This “just forgive” mentality seems to me more like what the dark side wants.

Forgiveness must be earned and it’s part of the sadistic pleasure of the abusers that they get to abuse and then without changing themselves, people just forgive them for free.

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Forgivness rests with the offended person. The offender could try to do everything to be forgiven but the offended could still chose to not forgive.
And with that keep up a power struggle.

Of course we have to remove ourselves from the offender and keep healthy boundaries etc.

It’s natural to be in a state of not forgiving when processing, but with time also very exhausting.
If the word ”forgivness” feels impossible, maybe ”letting go”is better?

Seems to me that the most difficult lessons for humans are about forgivness and love. But also the most rewarding.:slightly_smiling_face:

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@M45

I’m sorry, I can’t forgive my abusers, they weren’t held at gunpoint and forced to abuse me, they chose to and never apologized, no forgiveness earned.

I don’t even mind that they abused me because they could have done it unconsciously like through modeled behavior or whatever. The fact that they never apologized is the smoking gun, that is the sign they knew what they were doing and they are not sorry. And the fact that they continued to abuse me all the way till I cut the ties to them and even after. You don’t forgive those kind of people, there must be some kind of energy thing happening if you forgive abusers who don’t deserve to be forgiven. I don’t know what but doesn’t seem healthy.

I fully accept that I might be wrong on this but this is what my intuition says. And I personally don’t feel it tiring to not forgive my abusers. In fact if I forgave my abusers there could be higher change that I would attract them back into my life I feel. Maybe this is the actual lesson for light workers to stop being pushovers. I also don’t know what love means anymore because it is so distorted word.

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I am sorry that you have been abused. Why do you need their apology? Is this going to change anything?

I have been sexually abused as a child, as an adult, mentally abused by one of my exes, tortured by demons over and over again, scammed, cheated on, ghosted, lied to, used, neglected, rejected by family and men, and the list goes on. The biggest pain I experienced was when a man got me pregnant, and I didn’t want to take responsibility for that, and I lost my child as a result of being too weak to fight with demons and stress. I had a car accident, not my fault, that caused me suffering, and I didn’t even get a decent compensation for that. I could write a saga about all the traumas that I have experienced.
Would “I am sorry that I hurt you” change anything? 90% of beings that caused my suffering didn’t say that.
I acknowledged my pain, I healed myself without their apologies. I forgave them, for myself. So I could move on and live a better life. I am not their victim. Nothing made me stronger than compassion and forgiveness. You fight darkness with light.
What is the Creator’s unconditional love? Who has access to this power?
He loves humans and demons unconditionally. We all come from the same place. Our abusers too.

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@Polaris

If you forgive somebody that abused you without them sincerely apologizing, that would mean that you consent to being abused. Spiritual contracts are being formed all the time without us being aware.

This might come to as a news to many but the bible was written by the dracos, you can believe it or not. And all this “forgive because they don’t know what they are doing” and “turn another cheek” stuff is brainwashing to make lightworkers weak and stay in abusive relationships. It’s how it always works, they give 99% good stuff and then the 1% is the poison that really puts you in a detrimental path.

Yes, if somebody who abused me and sincerely came to me and said “Listen, I abused you, I now know what I have done is bad and I don’t want to be that person anymore. I take full ownership on how you feel. I am so sorry, I don’t expect you to forgive me but I cannot live with this guilt.” That would be a retribution.

And the reason why apology is important is because if somebody abuses you and doesn’t take ownership for the pain they caused, it often leaves the victim thinking that there’s something wrong with them for feeling bad. Which is exactly what happened to me and I’m sure many others who had abusive parents. If my parents had apologized me, it would have saved me years of thinking that there was something inherently wrong with me feeling broken and bad, but no, just my parents not taking responsibility for the pain they caused.

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I think there is no right or wrong in how it really is… Thoughts that come to mind are (generally) I am fully responsible for what happens in my reality(I mean personally, like a breakup, abuse and so on). I believe if something really shitty happens, why is that? Are the other people easily assholes, or do I eventually have a contract or something else chosen, eventually before Incarnation? What is, if everyone is you pushed out?

And couldn’t it be possible that the bible is really a symbolic guideline for learning and achieving whatsoever?

That’s not an Attack on you. I often was in trouble in the past, because of this view. When I’m responsible for everything in my life, loneliness, my cancer, addiction, how people treat me. To accept this as true was really painful and today whenever something happens, that I dont like and remember this, it hurts, fears me again. But it made the way free to give my best to change my reality, as i want it to be.

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A lot of abuse is passed down from parents to children and none are the wiser, that is why abuse is growing exponentially.

Here is my life. My grandmother abused my father, so he became a weak man. He then marred my mother, who also abused him. Since he was abused by his mother, he now think this abuse is normal and how a women/wife treats a man.

My mother also raised in an abusive home, thinks this same abuse is normal and abuses my father. I see this, a weak man and a dominating/abusive mother/wife and now this is my normal.

On my wife’s side, she grows up seeing a dominating/abusive mother/wife and a weak father and this is now her norm.

So I was a weak man, who married a dominating/abusive wife. No my 4 children also see this as normal and they without intervention, will repeat this same general unconscious pattern/programming.

This is happening all over the world, sometimes it’s reversed and the man is the abuser, but it all stems from messed up parents, messing up the kids, and so on.

I chose to break this pattern of abuse in my life and heal from it.
But I would say most abusers have NO idea that their behaviour is abusive. It’s like an alcoholic not knowing he is an alcoholic.

Since they have NO self awareness and take no responsibility for their actions, some never wake up to the truth.

I had enough self awareness to know my wife’s brother’s were controlled by their wives, but I couldn’t see it in my own life, with my wife’s behaviour or in my mother.

They make excuses to justify their behaviour as they are scared little children who are too afraid to actually look at themselves and their behaviour or how they treat people.

This is how I see it.

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@Dodo

We absolutely choose our parents and the reason is so that we can heal. That then creates an energetic “road” for others to follow to also heal, others that maybe aren’t strong enough to heal by themselves.

But the point here is that in order to heal we must accept that our parents purposely hurt us when we were the most vulnerable for whatever reason, maybe it gave them a power trip to dominate, maybe sadism. It’s a different story if our parents apologized sincerely. It’s really important that the apology is sincere, because otherwise they will just manipulate you and tell you what you want to hear if you start to demand an apology, abusers are really good at that, in order to keep you in the relationship. Abusers need your light to feed on, they need you more than you need them.

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If I would slap you, right now, painfully, and then instantly apologise because it was really my short temper, and it would be a genuine sorry, would that change that pain on your face? Would you accept my mistake and just forgive me? Would this hurt less? Would this have been less shocking? Why do you give me this power over you? No one should have any power over you.

I understand your pain, I’ve been there, too. I really wish you with my whole kindness, so you would find your way to heal and move on. It doesn’t matter what this going to be, just I hope you will heal and leave your past behind.

I don’t give a f… about anyone’s apologies. I adjust my behaviour towards toxic people. They do not dare to hurt me, because they can’t hurt someone who reacts with compassion. It’s not about allowing anyone to slap your second chin, no. I withdraw myself. I have strong boundaries. But I learned to love unconditionally. It’s the unlimited power of the Creator. Unlimited. I love you, I accept you, but I won’t spend my time with you because you are toxic. My peace is important to me; my well-being is my responsibility.

Here is my controversial opinion:
I disagree with that whole “You agreed to this and that before you came to this world.” I agreed to help humanity, I agreed to fight for them, I agreed to teach them. I’ve never agreed to any pain, any trauma, anything that disconnects me from myself. If you are a being from Higher Realms, you have 0 interest in experiencing low vibrational life, but the dark side would throw everything at you to stop you. Including belief, that you agreed to all that shit. No. But I agreed to help knowing that it might cause me pain. It might trap me in the incarnation circle, bid me with contracts and agreements so I won’t be able to go back home. It wasn’t sacrifice, it was compassion and love.
I didn’t have to experience traumas to become a better version of myself or suffer to be able to help people. I was a diamond before I came here, and that’s why they couldn’t crush me. No one can. And no one can destroy anyone of you here. Either human parents, partners or demons. Remember that :heart_on_fire:

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@Polaris

As I wrote in my reply earlier, the apology is there more to alleviate the emotional suffering that often comes with physical(or emotional) abuse. It’s the good people that often get abused and they have a tendency to self reflect “There must be something wrong with me for being abused, I must have deserved it”. It’s difficult for “good people” to understand that there are people who abuse just for the sake for abuse, abusing innocent people is entertaining for the abusers. Now I write “good people” like that because I understand that there is the shadow and all but by good people I mean people who consciously choose good instead of evil.

And it’s easy to look at evil when it’s out in the world somewhere but when the evil is in our personal relationships, it’s challenging.

As for the incarnation argument, I would challenge it by saying that the whole reason why you, Polaris, as an advanced light entity are here and now is because you CAN take the hit and not choose the dark side. It was seen that you are strong enough to be born into abusive childhood so that you could heal instead of becoming one of them. That’s what resonates with me anyways. It also opens our eyes for evil everywhere at a young age when the people who were supposed to love us the most ended up hurting us the most. Without your childhood, you might have just been watching tv all day long thinking everything is fine in the world and taken a certain “treatment” that you might have regretted.

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You hold onto stories of the past, fabricated by your mind. It’s only your perception. And these stories shape the present and the future.

Why not invent new stories for yourself?

For example:

‘Thank you, Mom, for giving birth to me. If it wasn’t for your brave decision to bring me into this challenging time for you, I wouldn’t be here today. I will always be grateful to you for this, and I will always support you.’

‘Thank you, Dad, for being violent towards me. It was you who showed me that I am brave, I am strong, I can handle anything. Thanks to you, I am confident now and can deal with any situation. If it wasn’t for you, I would still be weak.’

I’ve mentioned before that you create what you perceive. If you still perceive yourself as a victim, then don’t be surprised by the events you attract into your life.

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Everything in the world is fair. Do you feel like you’ve been treated unfairly? But you might be surprised to learn that you treated others the same way in your past lives. Maybe you’ve just swapped roles (a mother becomes a daughter, and a daughter becomes a mother) so you can understand the opposite side of the situation.

For example, a person who kills another without realizing the feelings of the dying person might find themselves in situations where they are likely to be killed, so that as a soul, they can feel, understand, and reflect on it.

Any negative situation in the present for people who have embarked on a path of spiritual development is already a reflection in the mirror; it’s already the system’s feedback. Because they already have enough awareness for understanding and drawing conclusions.

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@Hero

I understand that past life stuff, what you do to others eventually comes back at you in some form or another.

But I also understand that some of us starseeds are born here now on a specific mission and that there is an actual war between the light and dark and this is the pivotal moment in history, it’s not just in some faraway galaxy like they say in beginning of star wars movies.

We starseeds bring higher frequency just by existing here and this is to help in the ascension of the planet from what I have gathered. :earth_americas: