Emotional abuse

1

Hey, do we have a field that blocks out emotional abuse and also clears beliefs that allow that to happen?

When i don’t act like my partner expects, I feel like i become punished. Sometimes treatened with silence, but not in the near past. But often i feel guilty and I have fear to follow my needs, expecting another guilt attack…

But I’m absolutely insecure if this is an inner reaction or she’s really try to abuse me if I had her expectations disappointed.

I behave not like she expected and she told me that with an very aggressive tone and i feel horrible and guilty after that.

I remember i asked something similar a year ago, and in this year these situations happened less. But possibly because i behave like a well behaved dog to not disappoint her in any way, and by that supress my own needs for peace.

2

You know you can’t change her.

As long as you are in a relationship with her, you consent to being abused and higher beings cannot interfere to make your abuse stop.

You know what you need to do.

3

Thanks for your answer. But i know this isn’t true for me. I have seen changes in my relationship and in her, due to inner work with some fields. Mostly du to the Connector and reality shifter. Till know I didn’t managed to use these properly.

@maitreya @Polaris can i use the divine invocation to ask for healing my relationship and also remove these manipulative and abusive patterns plus their roots in me?(The situation occurs irregularly, sometimes once a month, sometimes 2-3 times, sometimes not at all), eventually try to use some breathwork, to send healing in there?!
It’s a problem, that I inside feel, as if I am not allowed to do what I want…
Appreciate your answers

4

Your partner only reflects your attitude towards yourself.

Why are you abusing yourself?
Why do you feel guilty?
Where are you betraying yourself?

Imagine that you created this relationship to understand yourself better and see your weaknesses and dark sides.

All complaints are always about yourself.

Imagine your partner in front of you. Write down all your complaints about her on a piece of paper. Now imagine that you wrote this to yourself. And read it.

Then start making changes in yourself

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5

In many cases, we need to examine what and how our ego is triggered and work to integrate our whole self. No external field is going to help if we ego structure stays the same.

After that, it is possible that other people are projecting their own unconsciousness onto you, instead of working through their own issues. In this case, cut the cord and move on, unless you want to use the other person as a “catalyst” of some sort for personal growth.

6

You might have seen some changes but she’s still dictating your personality and making you walk on egg shells.

This sounds like a very typical narcissistic relationship.

The narcissist suffers from abandonment anxiety and the only way to suffocate that anxiety is to make you, her partner to stop being their own person. Because if you are authentically your own person, you might change and leave her but by controlling you to be what she wants you to be, you won’t ever leave her.

It’s also about the control aspect, the narcissist sincerely believes if they don’t control somebody, they will be controlled.

It also seems like you are scared of her. When we are scared of somebody, not only do we not rebel against them but we seek to please them. So is she triggering a past wound from your childhood making you go into fear mode and automatically start pleasing her? They would only have this power over you if they are triggering a unhealed wound inflicted usually by parents.

If somebody cares about you, they aren’t making you lose your personality. If this is a template for a relationship for you, that you have to please somebody in order to maintain peace, I’d look at your relationship with your mother and/or father, was there this same pattern? The need to self erase yourself in order to maintain peace.

Sometimes people get pulled in by the narcissist because the narcissist is very good at scanning your needs and weaknesses and becoming what they need to become in order to hook you in. They also love bomb you, shower you with compliments and seemingly love in the early stage of the relationship to get you emotionally trapped to them.

And a disclaimer: I’m not a psychiatrist and am not diagnosing anybody here.

7

First of all, no one has a right to be aggressive. No matter what you did in the past, you deserve respect as much as she does.

Relationship dynamics are difficult to heal because it takes two people willing to work on it. Too often, only one person wants to make this work.

I would use Divine Invocation to ask the Creator to purge guilt, shame and everything inside you that does not belong to your true self so you can feel good about yourself. I would ask the Creator to fill you with love and understanding.
You seem to have some of the symptoms of gaslighting, especially confusion is the main alert for me. Investigate this topic and see how you feel after Divine Invocation. We have field for that if this will resonate with you DM: Release and Heal Gaslighting

What do you feel when you read the description of this one DM: Codependent ?

This is my favourite field now DM: Heart Center Restoration It gently helps to get your balance back. Nothing helped me so much to heal everything that people have done to me in this lifetime. I used audio on YT and meditated with the mandala. It made me cry for hours because so much was stored and it had to be released. I hope you will feel better, soon.

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8

I don’t know what you expect from this relationship
Love or sex?
It’s just that when a person really loves you, then love never adjusts the partner to an ideal image. Love is blind to shortcomings. Everything else, expectations, sexual addiction and everything far-fetched comes from the ego. The ego needs the partner to meet expectations. There is no love. And the most important difference is whether it’s love or not. love, when you are trying to hurt a person or your partner is trying to unknowingly hurt you, it feels like you are cutting yourself or vice versa
Observe your partner when he makes comments to you, what his emotional reaction is.

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9

This is something you need to clear from yourself. You can do it directly with the Reality Shifter - I saw that you have it. And make it "I am allowed to do what I want, without fulfilling others’ expectations / my girlfriend’s expectations / without fear / without guilt / without limitations, etc.

This pattern is usually created in childhood when the child wanted something, and the parents had other plans or views. They punished the child for it or withdrew their love as a form of punishment and manipulation, which instills guilt, a sense of fear of being abandoned if the child doesn’t meet others’ expectations.

Additionally, I would like to point out that if your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, or anyone else tries to control you, the problem lies with THEM. I say this because the less dominant, kinder person usually ends up in a victim state, doubting their own sanity, actions, feelings, thoughts, and experiences. This is because the other person is so skillful at twisting things around that you end up feeling completely lost.

Privileges should be cut off for such people, and they should be firmly told NO. The worst that can happen in such a relationship is that the partners separate and then find more decent ones unless the manipulator decides to change their behavior.

See if this digital mandala resonates with you: DM: Release and Heal Gaslighting

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10

The planet Lilith, the black moon, has entered the sign of Libra, which means that until March 2025 any partnership will be stormy, testing the strength of relationships. All crookedness in the partnership will surface and be strongly felt.
The field Smoothing the astrological influences of planets is very relevant, approximate name, I don’t remember the exact one

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11

I’d object to this by saying that the problem lies with the abuser yes, but the problem lies also in the abused one.

What makes the abused one gravitate towards abusers and stay with them? It’s not like somebody is pointing a gun to to the victim and saying you need to be in this relationship. What is so damaged in the victim, that they would allow such damaged individual as the narcissist/psychopath into their life and stay with them for years?

It’s not that the abuser is so skillfull at manipulating, the victim is so broken that they don’t have access to their emotions and intuition that would make them go “Oh, this person feels weird, something feels off about them, something feels wrong and they even insulted me the first time we met, I’m ditching this person”. Broken people are blind to abusers because their parents normalized abuse in their childhood by abusing them so much and that’s why they stay with abusers.

This whole dynamic of Dodo’s case is described very well in this interview I think, they describe why people stay with and attract these abusers:

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12

What you’re saying is true, and I don’t deny it. It has been proven that rapists can subconsciously choose women who they sense will not resist or be able to defend themselves. They don’t target women who, for instance, have a mental attitude to fight to the death. Many of these victims don’t dare to tell their close ones about the incident and it takes them many years to seek therapy because they feel guilty and ashamed.

That’s why I say we need to work on personal boundaries.

Here’s a video by Jordan Peterson: Video Link, which can provide clarity. He has longer discussions on this topic as well.

A person needs to have a sense of danger within themselves and be ready to use it if someone tries to abuse them. Of course, abuse has a scale, and it’s appropriate to respond in kind to the level of threat posed.

Having this mental model—that you can be dangerous—will cause any potential abuser or manipulator to withdraw immediately, as they seek people who will not resist or cause them problems.

The greatest fear of narcissists is being exposed and publicly humiliated.

So, a person must be ready to give such a response and warning to the other side, and be prepared to follow through if the manipulator continues their behavior.

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13

“Harmless, that’s a terrible virtue”

This is so true, and this is akin to the whole “just be love and light” brainwashing that goes on in the spiritual circles, that we should just become basically easy prey for the predators.

I never really paid attention to Jordan because of the drug addiction scandal, but the man says some very important and relevant things.

There has been an effort from the dark side to make people blind to evil and hence become kinda weak and naive. So the “to have a sheathed sword that you know how to use” attitude is important now.

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14

Oh wow. I love all your replies!! Appreciate that and will investigate on that topic!

Something, I see parallels to other relationships. I’m always stressed when I’m with work colleagues, the more rude ones the most, because I’m affraid to dissapoint them and when I did not do something perfectly or very good I feel like a loser. I’m also affraid of possible conflicts, so I’m qiet and adjust myself to them. I’m in fear of feeling guilty. It got better over the years, and I am able to set boundaries, but this feels like hell for me to say no. I don’t want to put the total narcissist rubber stamp on her. I see I can manage a lot in my own. Even it is setting boundaries without feeling worse.

Thank you a lot!

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15

This is truly brainwashing. If you knew how many people I’ve worked with whose lives were ruined because they confused kindness with enduring evil. This is NOT good and not healthy.

I feel that globally, some institutions have pushed this agenda, benefiting from people being unable to use their power, remaining timid, full of fear, shame, and limitations, believing that enduring makes them “spiritual.”

Being good and spiritual does not mean being an idiot who can be manipulated and displaced, having their rights and space taken away.

People with healthy boundaries know this very well. The problem is with those who have endured abuse in their families and don’t even realize it’s not normal.

I’m very glad this discussion happened in the forum and that it can be discussed. It will help those in such situations see different perspectives and ask questions.

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16

I highly recommend you read this book: The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene. It is also available in an audio format, which is very pleasantly narrated by a person with a comfortable voice.

This is a very useful book that provides insights into the true nature and patterns of human behavior. Understanding the dynamics of others allows you to see what is happening and respond appropriately without diminishing yourself.

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17

Oh, great topic! It reminded me of my recent work with Eric Berne’s 12 restrictions.

The twelve parental injunctions are a concept often discussed in psychology, related to the influence parents have on shaping their children’s personality and behavior. These injunctions are subconscious messages and instructions that parents pass on to their children.

Here’s a list of the main injunctions:

Don’t exist: The child feels unwanted or that their existence is a problem for the parents.

Don’t be yourself: The child is expected to meet certain expectations, often related to gender or social roles.

Don’t be a child: The expectation that the child behaves more maturely and responsibly than is natural for their age.

Don’t grow up: Encouraging dependence and infantilism, keeping the child in a small and dependent role.

Don’t succeed: The idea that the child should not achieve success to avoid envy or threat to others.

Don’t be important: Telling the child that their opinions and needs are insignificant.

Don’t lead: Suppression of leadership qualities and initiative.

Don’t be healthy: Consciously or subconsciously cultivating the notion that illness brings benefits or attention.

Don’t be sexual: Suppression of sexuality and related aspects of personality.

Don’t think: Suppression of analytical abilities and critical thinking.

Don’t feel: Suppression of emotional openness and expression of feelings.

Don’t belong: The idea that the child should be lonely, isolated, or not belong to any group.

These injunctions can be conveyed explicitly through words and actions, or implicitly through subconscious signals and the emotional atmosphere in the family. They can significantly impact a person’s personality development and behavior in adulthood, creating many problems for people.

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18

As ex-people’s pleaser who had very immature parents, grandparents and so on (I think no one in my family knows how to adult, lol) I couldn’t agree more.

I recommend this field DM: Become the Master of Your Life I worked with this mandala. It was very painful. @Dodo this life is yours and no one should tell you how to live, behave or dictate who you should be to be to please your partner, parents or boss. In the moments of doubt ( I still have ‘good girl’ moments), I say to myself, “Everyone deserves to be respected, including me. I always try to treat people with respect, but if someone doesn’t like me when I respect myself, really can f…off.”

Plus this is my favourite.

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Love and Light means love and light for yourself first, and I agree that this idea is purposely distorted. It is easier to fight darkness from the place of love and light because this is your power. Sometimes, this means that you have to protect this light and continue loving yourself, distancing yourself from the wrong people. I keep my fingers crossed for you and everyone silently suffering for similar reasons.

People who love you truly and care for you will support you and respect your boundaries. They will say words like “Finally, you know your worth. Finally, you see what I saw in you. I am here for you; I know it’s hard. I told you, you deserve better!”

You gonna lose only the wrong and bad people in the process. Read that again.

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19

Hey, at the moment I have less time to investigate. I will report what I found out, when I’m ready! Have a nice day

One thing I want to add, I call back what i said, she has some more or less narcissistic characteristics but I believe I get triggered hard by her behavior and now one week after this last situation I see it more clear. I have a huge part in this relationship pattern. It’s a great opportunity to grow for me :slight_smile:

20

Dodo
Of course, there is no doubt that your relationship with this person is a situation of your spiritual growth
And all the words that such a partner is toxic do not make sense, since the situation is primary, it holds you and will hold you

This situation was attracted by your highest self

Taking into account that the highest I do not have the concept of time, the situation of your growth can stretch for decades
Your growth cannot affect your partner’s internal decision to grow with you
It can turn out that you are aware, grow up, but your partner is not
Then your partner will simply disappear from your life, since for you this relationship will no longer be relevant, since you have grown
The highest I will simply remove an unnecessary partner from your life, since experience through awareness will be learned by you

Now imagine that this moment can come only after 10 or 20 years?

You need to find fields that will speed up the process of living situations and save your time

Of good!

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