Hi guy’s, does anyone knows how to behave healthy or transmute accusations? Because my regular reaction from my partners accusations is guilt, anger and sadness. I don’t think she will change behave for the better, coz it’s unconscious reaction. Said it many times, what it does to me. Now it’s my part to changr inside
People often are using manipulations to make you feel guilty, and bad or have other negative feelings so they can have control over you. Parents can use even love like an exchange rate - you will do this and this or you won’t be good enough to receive love. Or they act like you made some terrible mistake and they are so hurt. There are thousands of manipulations that can be used. Most people have big issues with controlling and accepting others’ decisions and choices.
The first reason for this is their parents act in the same way with your parents. And this is the way they observed how to raise children.
Another thing is when people think they know what is best for the other person. Parents have huge problems with this and if you tell some that this is not right - they can go out of their minds and act like you don’t respect them.
This is often seen in toxic families. But it can happen also in relationships, friendships, etc.
Most people who have huge control issues are using this model as a defense mechanism because they have deep insecurities on a subconscious level.
One can free himself from these things by first realizing the ways of manipulation directed against him in such a way. The second part is not putting new defense mechanisms with anger to protect yourself, but rather than that to focus on your desires and destiny. Stand in your place and remember that this is your life and you will live it as you decide.
The most important thing is to realize that other people are giving you opinions based on their life, their perceptions, and their beliefs. Not yours.
With the behavior you have toward other people - you teach them how is acceptable to communicate with you. Just don’t accept what is not yours.
Thank you for your detailed answer so I’m focusing on part 2, cause i think i know what’s going on… Will try to react with love and compassion and strengthen my self worth, should be the way
I really often feel, that i did something wrong, but also think no, it’s totally okay what i did… but the feeling(from unconscious thought?!) wins