There’s a colleague I get on great with. We’ve known each other for years and can talk about just about anything - and he’s a clairvoyant. But every time we propose a meetup or try to meet, something comes up. We live literally ten to fifteen minutes apart. However, he has a hearing aid dog, so I get that things look quite a bit different and are more challenging for him than they are for me. Anyway, he’ll ask me if I’m free and express enthusiasm for meeting up, but when it comes to confirming, he tends to delay texting to late the night before or on the day of. And the day of the proposed meetup, something weird and uncontrollable will happen - he’ll take his dog out to let them do their business and he’ll be yanked and fall (he sent a photo of his bruise;) today, he canceled again because a fire alarm was pulled in the morning, his dog got overstimulated and didn’t want to leave his side as a result. I get that - I really do. But sometimes, it’s just that he’ll tell me the night before or the day of that he’s too tired (as someone with a thyroid issue, I am sympathetic) or there’s something else he should do, even though he’s the one who asked me for my availability. I’ve had to ask him to try and tell me in advance in the cases when he might know he can’t or won’t actually meet.
The last time I saw him outside of work was around Christmas. I know this is not his fault, but it’s disappointing and a little frustrating. In cases where the universe seems almost hell-bent on keeping us from hanging out, is there a possible explanation for this? I have never experienced this with anyone else. At this point, looking at a clear pattern, I’m starting to wonder if my spirit team is, like, ‘nope’.
Or perhaps it’s not the right time yet, and you both still need to develop certain qualities before being together (if you’re meant to be together at all). This has happened to me before, and I resolved it by telling myself: Well, I’ve done my part, and things aren’t working out. I’m content knowing I did everything I could. Now, I trust that what’s best for me and my growth is always happening. I trust that everything has its time, and if this connection is meant to be, it will happen, and it will be at the perfect moment.
For clarification, I just wanna continue being friends, not any other sort of dynamic, and it’s mutual. But I guess this applies towards friendship, too. Thank you for weighing in. When a hangout happens, it’ll happen. I just gotta remind myself of that.
Yep, I applied this to all my relationships, and it brings me peace and acceptance. Also, I take it as a form to fully stay present and enjoy interactions when they happen; let’s call it :to flow with the experience.
LOL. Y’know, you got a point there in that I should learn to be more comfortable with the possibility of disappointing people in general, and not caring if I do.
Honestly, I find the behavior of deliberately disappointing someone somewhat manipulative. Of course, there will be moments of disappointment in relationships, because no one is made to fit the other’s exact specifications. However, he has a point: observing your reactions when you interact with another person can give you an idea of the place from which you operate in your relationships. Perhaps that’s the true lesson of this friendship: learning to observe yourself and discover if any wounds are being triggered. Furthermore, you can always tell this person directly how you feel. What happens after you talk will indicate the true nature of this friendship, and you can decide on the next steps. And, as for accepting the rhythm, I don’t suggest it as passive resignation, but rather as a way of understanding life without fighting against its temporal structure. Perhaps the discomfort you feel is a sign of grief because you truly value this relationship, but it’s not unfolding as you expected. In the end, only you have the answer.
I won’t be disappointing anyone deliberately, for sure - I wouldn’t do that - but sometimes I have a habit of putting other people first instead of myself? In any case, I agree that I should be more observant. I’ve told him before how I feel and he apologizes. I’ll have to learn to go with the flow more, that can be hard for me.
This is perhaps the core of your discomfort, and now that you’ve put it into words, I have to tell you: habits like putting others first aren’t resolved solely through self-observation; sometimes it’s necessary to go a step further and take action. Putting others first at your own expense is resolved by setting boundaries through healthy sovereignty. Self-postponement is not the same as being in the flow.
It can be manipulative yes. Sometimes People understand only one Language though.
And it‘s not even fully deliberate. This isn‘t something you do to anyone out of boredom.
If you feel like a certain Person is taking advantage of you and even after you‘ve talked to that person openly about how you feel, but still no change, then this might be like a closing chapter.
One final test so to speak. True Character is shown in uncomfortable Situations, not in easy ones.
Everyone can be nice and friendly, when everything is good. But who can be loyal, when your life goes to shit?
Doing this to someone everyday is stupid, like in some relationships, where there must be a test every week.
But what I‘m talking about is the last resort. After trying and trying and trying to work it out.
Either you do something about it, or you stay in a Toxic relationship, the choice stays with the individual.
Usually in such relationships, the one who is too nice does things he doesn‘t even like at all. And because he doesn‘t speak up, the other person now expects them to do this.
Now go ahead and „disappoint“ that person. It‘s about setting boundaries and seeing how they react
I agree with you on this point; however, if you've spoken directly and circumstances don't change, and then you decide you don't need this kind of relationship, and consequently decide to close that chapter and let the other person go, what would be the point of engaging in "testing" games? Why dedicate energy to those kinds of dynamics? Why should a relationship be deliberately tested? Life already has enough ups and downs to show you who you are and who others are. Besides, how can you be sure you don't already have a preconceived verdict and that you're just using the test to validate your judgment instead of genuinely evaluating the relationship?
What you’re describing is an example of a vertical relationship, where hierarchy, inequality, and asymmetry exist; where one person, in one way or another, exerts control over the other. Healthy relationships are horizontal, meaning there is equality and reciprocity; they are symmetrical (insert infinity symbol here). You can speak openly, share doubts, problems, or concerns knowing there is mutual validation, knowing the other person is willing to listen, and that solutions are found by working together as a team.
Yep, Mercury retrograde is a good opportunity for growth. Many people panic about it, but I believe it actually forces you to work on patience, resilience, and presence, and to look at what you may not have wanted to observe.
With the beginning of this I started smoking weed again and another old nasty habits, I got rid of are resurfacing.. I wonder what cause that has, could only be that. I didn’t suffer anymore much from negative thoughts, mostly calm, in silent pre-joy, but something is off.. I asked myself the reason for this behaviour and feelings and did not get an aswer, was almost a bit angry why the heck I didn’t received the answer yet, also sad during the day.. I smoked for 1,5 weeks, stopped on friday till now. Now sitting here, watching and interpreting the clouds, while looping mind mastery came a in inner conversation in and led me to acknowledge that this is my only way for a bit extra joy or pleasure on my command. I think I need a few hobbies
But do you really think everyone is at the mental level to close a chapter just like that.
I‘m speaking from my own experience here. Don‘t forget that the subconscious hates change and confrontation.
I‘ve literally had a girl telling the whole class that I insult her „Boy‘s type“. And I still kept talking to her and trying to be with her lol.
Not everyone is capable to walk away. If that was the case, these kinds of relationships wouldn’t exist. But they do, and it‘s because people are not mentally healthy these days. They form attachments easily.
There are many reasons for this and you see this everywhere.
I just think some people need that extra confirmation that their decision is correct.
You’re right, not everyone has the emotional intelligence to recognize a harmful relationship or to break free from it. I also agree that this lack of emotional intelligence is one of the biggest problems of our time; humanity is only now realizing how important it is. The good news is that emotional intelligence is like muscles: if you train it, it grows (or improves; the idea is that it’s not static).
Just look at it, like this.
