So right now I’m in quite the challenging situation. For years I’ve been dealing with grueling depression accompanied by anxiety and low self esteem in bouts of a couple of months a year. This has been going for 18+ years, right now I’m 30. When I’m deep into this negative state I experience lethargy, interrupted sleep, mental abilities declining to the point that doing groceries is almost too challenging because my mind is so foggy and numb. Life feels overwhelming and I feel inadequate to deal with seemingly simple challenges/tasks which destroys my self esteem even further. After everything has piled up I see no way to fix everything which worsens my condition. Triggers are usually daunting intimidating challenges/tasks in which I either don’t have any experience yet or failed miserably in, in the past.
Only after my mom (who raised me) passing away 4 years ago I’ve been able to slowly discover the causes of my recurring condition. It mostly comes down to a conflict between heart and mind. I’m naturally a feeler empath type but growing up as a male I’ve conditioned myself to act like a thinker to escape judgement from others and not having to deal with heavy emotions/feelings from multiple traumas. I also could not take responsibility for myself because of my overprotective upbringing. This of course drains of lot of energy and the lethargic numb state is an old protective mechanism to protect me from experiencing too much negativity. Also since I was/am so sensitive I picked up a lot of energies and thought patterns that weren’t mine and integrated them as my own and this is where the problem lies right now.
You see, for the last couple of years I’ve worked hard on myself through breath work, grounding, more self love, trusting and asking the divine for help and of course programmed energies/fields. My ‘‘depressions’’ always seemed to come out of nowhere until I started using Sapien’s Soul restoration (Brow/Forehead Storage Center). Of course I listened to the lower ones first. That audio restores the upper dantien energy center which is responsible for our higher mental and spiritual abilities and since then I keep hearing very negative intrusive thoughts about myself. Because that energy center was so comprised (for good reason) the negative self talk was still in the subconscious and now I made it conscious. The thoughts are something like ‘‘Loser, you won’t succeed’’, ‘‘You are nothing’’ etc. These are some things my mom would say to me when I was in the depressed state and could not do anything. No wonder I started declining energetically, I’ve been saying that to myself for almost two decades! I know now my problems mostly lie inside of myself in the mental realm and my thoughts are the biggest obstacles in creating my life.
Right now I want to overcome these negative thoughts and reprogram them. It won’t be easy so I could use some help. I’ve already been using some mental/spiritual audios which I will list at the bottom. I was thinking of using the following mandalas in addition:
SBR Part 3: No More, Removes all types of (sub)conscious blockages
Bhramcharya V2.1 Extra Features, sexual energy is one the most powerful transforming energies and it has the energy balancer and inner resistance dissolver and brain reset included. Don’t think that opening my 3rd eye is sensible right now since it uses up a lot of energy. Not looking for female companionship right now, the focus is 100% on myself
Grounding & Earthing
One that keeps increasing my capacity to absorb and process energies, can’t think of the name right now
Right now I’m using the following audios for mental and energetic healing (Keep in mind most are bought and are not found on youtube and I don’t listen in the order listed below)
Soul Restoration core storage center - Sapien Medicine
Soul Restoration Heart Storage center - Sapien Medicine
Soul Restoration Forehead/Brow Storage center - Sapien Medicine
Chakra series, sacral to throat - Sapien Medicine
Aura and Energy body Repair - Sapien Medicine
Universal Clearing - Maitreya ( First couple of listens cleared A LOT of heavy stuff, now it doesn’t seem to do much anymore)
The plasma brain of youth - Sapien Medicine
The plasma protocol - Sapien Medicine
Brahmacarya God V.1. - Maitreya
Grounding & Earthing audio - Maitreya
The Ojas - Sapien Medicine
The Mana Circuits - Sapien Medicine
Human Body Frequency Re-Tuner, Ultra-Dynamics Version - MEF Dynamics
Boosters (So I can absorb all these energies)
Infinite Morphic Field Booster - MEF Dynamics
Game Changer - Quadible Integrity
Quantum Booster - Maitreya Fields
Booster + Remove blocks - Maitreya Fields
Used to listen to:
Knight Warrior Mindset and Unbreakable - Sapien Medicine -, does not do much when I’m in my numbed state, sometimes even worsens my negative thoughts. will pick up again in the future maybe
Of course I listen to a couple of physical audios as well, for example for muscle growth etc.
For the people who stuck with me, thank you! It’s a long post but the more details the better to be able to form solid advice. And this is not even scratching the surface haha.
What are your thoughts and suggestions?
This. Prepare to be bombarded with those thoughts when you start using it - look at the thoughts without judgement, and they will quickly dissolve. Then enjoy your much quieter mind after a couple of days.
The PTSD by Sapien which is only on his patreon is very strong, but also note it is not to be used daily, at the very beginning it could be every second day, but later only like 1x per week or 2x per month until you need it. It would be beneficial to read about that field in his forum.
You wrote that you are an empath, I didn’t see you mentioning using anything for that. It is helpful to shield yourself to not pickup more negative stuff from others and adding it to your current baggage.
There is a free mandala from Sapien on his instagram account: https://www.instagram.com/p/BuHxSbNgFuL/
For a general protection you might also consider:
21 Shields, you can play it once in the morning and once in the evening, it’s just 2min 25s
Also I see you will be using some mandalas for the subconscious clearing, for those who don’t have the money, yet, usually these 3 are free to help out:
This from Maitreya could be also helpful for you:
Removing Thought Forms and Parasites
I would go with ego-detachment. Negative toughts aren’t that big of deal if you don’t get attached to them.
Subconsciousness Reprogrammer (it’s important to find the root cause of this that triggers all the negativity) and Imagination Revision should do the job.
(but also can done on your own)
At the end only one thing really helps to “shut off” toughts - mindfulness.
Thank you for your suggestions! Since these patterns lie deep in my subconscious it makes sense that the most effective way to reprogram them is by connecting directly to the subconscious and bypassing the conscious barrier. I’m definitely going to buy this one with the highest priority to actively work with my subconscious with emphasis on the active part.
Because the ironic part is I already tried the internal alchemical crucible along with the ptsd field and they hardly do anything when I’m in this down state. These type of fields are only effective when I feel like my regular self. Its like my ego is keeping all the passive healing out right now, thats why I need to tackle it actively.
It has been said by a medium that my spirit guides want me to do this on my own without the help of external healing since apparently I’ve been a healer in many past lives and I’m capable of overcoming this myself, it is crucial in order for me to learn the valuable corresponding lessons. And I think this is the truth because I’ve tried everything so far.
Appreciate the feedback! As I wrote in a reply to skyhigh I already tried the ptst field without any effect. Thing is, those field only work when I feel like my regular self. When I’m in this deep down state most fields don’t do anything. Its like everything is being shut out by my ego, I think I need to actively work on this problem. This has been confirmed by a medium last year that my spirit guides want to to overcome this myself since apparently I’ve been a healer in many past lives and I have the capacity to tackle this myself. Since I’ve tried almost everything so far I think this is the truth.
Yes very important! Thank you for your suggestions on this. I will look into them. But I think the Aura and Energy body Repair from Sapien Medicine should cover this. Since I’ve been using that one I noticed a lot less fatigue from work where I deal with a lot of people on a daily basis. Of course this is independent of my yearly “depressions/down periods”.
The subconscious clearing fields are very good suggestions, last year I listened to sapiens one religiously every day for 3 months straight without any effect. Thats why I think maitryas subconscious connector could make the difference by allowing me to directly communicate with my subconscious and make changes myself.
Hmm I think you’re on to something with the ego detachment since it was my ego that created these now self destructive patterns out of protection from the trauma I faced. I think it’s also my ego right now that is preventing most fields from working. Fields that are normally helpful don’t have any effect right now.
Isn’t the newer subconscious connector mandala supposed to be stronger and more effective for this goal? I think a lot of progress can be made by actively communicating with my subconscious myself.
Looked into the field and I have hardly any active memories of the trauma’s I endured. The most impactful one was when I was 2, according to stories my mom told me I cried every day for like a month straight. That caused a snowball effect of faulty subconscious programming and my ego doing everything in it’s power to protect me.
I just need to undo the the faulty programming. I have peace with the events that occurred in my life because healing from those traumas provides valuable lessons that make me wiser and stronger.
Yes very true, I’m already practicing being mindful of the self destructive patterns without any judgment and just being aware of the sensations in my body along with my thoughts when I feel resistance doing something “scary”.
