Attachment Styles

General discussion
1

This is one of the most popular topics recently in the relationship niche. More and more people are starting to be aware of that, and they are looking for solutions.

Attachment styles are patterns of how we connect and relate to others, especially in our closest relationships. Developed during early childhood, these styles reflect how individuals perceive themselves and others in the context of intimate relationships. Understanding these styles can be quite enlightening and help improve how we interact with others. We have four primary attachment styles:

Anxious Attachment

Behavior Patterns: People with an anxious attachment often exhibit a heightened sensitivity to their partner’s moods and actions. They may display behaviors that are commonly perceived as clingy or needy. For instance, they might:

  • Constantly text or call their partner to check in.
  • Seek reassurance about their partner’s feelings towards them frequently.
  • Become jealous or overly concerned about their partner’s interactions with other people.
  • Experience significant distress during even short separations or when they feel slighted.

Wounds: The roots of anxious attachment often lie in inconsistent parenting. These individuals may have had caregivers who were unpredictably attentive, leading them to become hyper-vigilant about relationship cues in adulthood as a way to secure love and attention.

Response to Conflict: In conflicts, anxious attachers tend to fear the worst, such as a breakup. They may respond with tactics that attempt to re-establish closeness, such as pleading or making grand gestures to keep their partner’s attention and affection. Their actions are often driven by the fear of losing the relationship rather than addressing the underlying issues.

Avoidant Attachment

Behavior Patterns: Avoidant individuals prioritize self-sufficiency and often seem to prefer independence over intimacy. Their typical behaviors might include:

  • Pulling away when things get too close or emotional.
  • Emphasizing personal freedom and discomfort with dependency.
  • Dismissing feelings—both their own and their partner’s.
  • Keeping their relationships superficial to avoid deep emotional connection.

Wounds: This style typically develops from having caregivers who were emotionally unavailable or dismissive. As a result, the child learns to rely heavily on themselves and to associate intimacy with a loss of independence.

Response to Conflict: During conflict, avoidant individuals usually withdraw or shut down. They avoid confronting emotional issues directly and may use distancing strategies such as focusing on imperfections in their partner or the relationship as excuses to maintain emotional distance.

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment

Behavior Patterns: Fearful-avoidant individuals exhibit a confusing mix of behaviors that push and pull on their partner. They might:

  • Seek closeness but then pull away out of fear once it is achieved.
  • Show a pattern of mixed signals, sometimes being very passionate and other times cold or distant.
  • Struggle with trusting people, oscillating between intimacy and isolation.
  • Experience emotional highs and lows that reflect their internal struggle between desiring connection and fearing it.

Wounds: This attachment style often stems from traumatic experiences or highly chaotic, unpredictable caregiving. Such backgrounds may create a fear of being hurt that coexists with a strong desire for intimate connections.

Response to Conflict: In conflicts, those with a fearful-avoidant attachment are likely to handle the situation erratically. Their approach can vary dramatically, from desperately trying to avoid abandonment to preemptively pushing others away to protect themselves from potential pain.

Cultivating Healthier Behaviors

For each attachment style, recognizing and understanding these patterns is the first step in modifying them. Anxious attachers can benefit from techniques that build self-worth and promote self-reliance. Avoidant individuals might work on gradually opening up and expressing their emotions more fully. Those with fearful-avoidant attachment could focus on developing a more consistent and balanced approach to relationships.

Improving one’s attachment style involves conscious effort and, often, professional guidance to reframe deep-seated fears and beliefs about relationships. By acknowledging these patterns and actively working on them, individuals can foster healthier, more satisfying relationships that better serve their needs and the needs of their partners.

And here is the most balanced and beneficial pattern

Characteristics of Secure Attachment

Self-Esteem and Independence: Individuals with a secure attachment style generally have a positive view of themselves and their self-worth. They are confident in their ability to be both independent and interdependent in relationships. This balance allows them to enjoy close relationships without fearing loss of self or overdependence.

Emotional Openness: Securely attached individuals are comfortable with expressing their emotions and are also receptive to their partner’s feelings. They understand the importance of vulnerability in building deep, meaningful connections and are typically not afraid to show their true selves.

Resilience in Handling Conflicts: People with a secure attachment handle conflicts constructively. They view challenges as opportunities to enhance the relationship rather than threats. Their approach to problem-solving is inclusive, seeking solutions that respect both partners’ needs.

Behavioral Patterns in Relationships

Consistency and Reliability: Their actions are consistent and reliable, which builds trust in their relationships. Securely attached individuals follow through on their commitments and show up emotionally for their partners, contributing to a stable and predictable relationship environment.

Supportiveness: They are attentive to their partners’ needs and are generally supportive during times of stress or crisis. Their ability to provide emotional support is matched by their willingness to seek it when needed, promoting a mutual exchange of care and understanding.

Balanced Need for Closeness and Space: Securely attached individuals strike a healthy balance between intimacy and independence. They enjoy closeness and are comfortable with togetherness, yet they respect personal boundaries and appreciate the need for individual space within the relationship.

Relationship Dynamics

Mutual Growth: Secure attachment fosters an environment where both partners feel safe to grow and evolve. Relationships are seen as evolving partnerships where individual growth is encouraged, and changes are supported.

Deep and Lasting Bonds: Relationships characterized by secure attachment are typically deep and lasting. The security provides a foundation for enduring love and trust, allowing both partners to feel connected and valued.

Effective Communication: One of the hallmarks of secure attachment is effective communication. These individuals tend to be clear and straightforward in expressing their thoughts and feelings. They are also good listeners, which helps them understand and respond appropriately to their partner’s communications.

Conclusion

The profile of a securely attached individual is essentially a blueprint for healthy, fulfilling relationships. By embodying these traits and behaviors, individuals not only enhance their personal well-being but also contribute positively to the lives of those around them. For those who identify with other attachment styles, understanding the secure profile can serve as a guide toward more fulfilling interpersonal dynamics. This transformation, while challenging, is achievable through self-awareness, dedication to personal growth, and possibly professional guidance. The journey toward secure attachment is one of the most rewarding investments one can make in one’s emotional and relational life.

I did a huge amount of inner work to go from Fearful-Avoidant to Almost Secure, and yet I still sometimes feel that I want to run away. I still have moments of sabotaging. People with Anxious will always attach Avoidants, and this is a toxic dynamic because they open each other’s wounds and struggle to get out of it. Usually, those relationships last very long and harm both sides. One is running away while the other is chasing. It kind of reminds me of the Twin Flames theory, so those patterns aren’t something new for humanity.

So, I think fields based on this would benefit many people who can’t actually have normal relationships because of their childhood wounds.

I’d love to read your thoughts. Which type are you?

2

22 male single here(lol). I haven’t been in a relationship before but i do see people with relationships and one of them cheating the other or the relationship is just too toxic. I have this friend who got cheated by his girlfriend and he still has that wound. I would not be the right person to comment on this because I haven’t been in a relationship before. But I also never had a bad childhood. My whole childhood has been full of positivity. This might sound weird but i have never been negative in my entire life. I really want to share this thing with you to see what your thoughts on this are. I have never been negative my entire life(as far as i remember). Whenever i feel like im being negative, for some weird and unknown reason my inner self or sth idk it automatically gives me thoughts like “oh im being negative rn, this is so cool”, “wait i’m crying right now? wow interesting” and such thoughts. Its like whenever i try to become negative, something stops me from actually being negative. Its like i don’t take negativity seriously at all. To maintain the momentum i fake my negativity consciously xD…altho i subconsciously am positive actively. I have this problem in me that i easily get offended or hurt. But i also have this cool trait that i recover instantly. No sad feeling has ever lasted more than an hour in my entire life, no matter what kind of negativity it is. If i ever feel like it…i feel like im faking the sadness and i again get those thoughts mentioned above.
So what I want to ask that, if i ever encounter a field that releases all the negativity and will make us remember all the wounds, how would i react at that time? Coz idk but i think i don’t have any negativity in me. I’ve always wondered that upon Kundalini activation, a person cries a lot as he remembers his/her past wounds. What will happen to a person like me? Will i cry? for what?

Apart from this, answering your question…I think I’m a type of person who’s scared at the moment to have a relationship lol. The reason behind this is because what i think is dating a person is okay but connecting with them emotionally is bad. I don’t like this thing when either of the person dates the other person to just spend some time. tbh, i don’t want to get into relationship with a person whom im eventually gonna break up with. I better use the find soulmate field and get into a forever relationship xD lol

3

That’s interesting.

Why?

That’s the thing I noticed in our society. We avoid emotional connections like the plague. We are being taught to be independent, self-reliant, self-oriented.

4

I think people avoid intimacy because you need to be vulnerable to have intimacy and because of social media society is becoming more and more narcissistic/psychopatchic and vulnerability is seen/felt as a weakness. Not to forget that social media breaks boundaries and makes people be on edge and see others as a threat, to be afraid of other people because with social media you are opening yourself to anybody in the world to hurt you. People have become afraid of others and this could hurt intimacy/vulnerability.

5

I’m obv not the best person to make a comment on this but I think that when you connect with every person you date i feel like the past wound is just upgrading to the next level. If I were to date someone, I would first see if that person is even made for me or not. Because even a single toxic thing in the beginning can create a whole mess after relationship :. Like we see symptoms before a disease actually occurs. Curing the symptoms before it happens. idk but im sure it hurts the other person if they’re connected emotionally and they eventually break up. Finding true love is not an easy task today fr xD

6

I totally agree with that. Also, these days majority of the people chase physical pleasure. I would say that’s just not my thing lol. I would better prefer spending time with that person more xD.

7

I agree. Our parents have had a hard time, but what is going on now with the digital boom that affects social interaction is something that confuses even psychologists. It’s global. No one actually flirts in real life. First, men can’t approach women because feminism poisons minds, and they would rather make a first move on Tinder, which is safer. We have ghosting become normal, and that does not shock anyone anymore.

Of course, and that leads us not even to try or give up too soon. That’s why I found those patterns so interesting.
Some research suggests that in a few years, we will have even more avoidants. What is even more sad is the fact that we gonna pass this on to the next generation.

Tell me about it :rofl: But on the other hand, this is one of the crucial needs of human beings.

8

Do we have fields that will facilitate a conscious transition to a secure attachment style?

My triggers are gonna kill me

9

Hey, not sure but eventually you like the ego modulation description :slight_smile:

Or eventually the living in the end field if you know what you want

10

Thank you for your reply.

I can’t continue this topic. I dont know what to say. My heart was broken today. I was able to go on despite indescribable fear, anxiety, and beliefs many times only because I had hope and faith and only to be rejected in the end by woman I started to falling in love with. In 29 years of life, nothing has ever hurt me so much.

I don’t need compassion. I’m only replying to you out of politeness.

11

I completely understand your pain. The codependent field helps a lot with this. The basic is we dont feel safe in the body. Mai has wonderful fields that can help with. Start with Nervous system.

12

I have the fields you mention. I have many many more. From my observations, it’s not about the fields. Even if you were to assume that fields are the most powerful tool you can have to change yourself and your life—for me, it’s still not enough.

And this isn’t about my story and that woman’s. This is the story of why I was rejected. Because the reasons I heard make sense to me.

13

Hope and Faith in what?

If you depend your whole reason for existence on a woman, that you fall for, you are done, the instant she rejects you.

I’m sounding harsh, but I speak from experience. I have shared this story here already, I don’t know where though.

I know the feeling all too well! Happened several times in my life. And I kept repeating this. Never asking why they reject me.

Because in classic friend groups people tell you to just be yourself, which is very spiritual, but in a group like this it’s not meant that way.

Be yourself= Don’t change yourself for the better

And if you say it hurt so deeply because you know why and it makes sense, then that woman has taught you a life lesson you shouldn’t forget.

Sit in these Emotions, don’t try to run from them. But do not let them consume you. Because after that a dark path can emerge.

You’ve got a choice to make.

Will you let this rejection crush you?

Or will you let this rejection uplift you?

The Choice is ALWAYS Yours to make. No one else decides it for you.

If your not looking for compassion that’s fine. You shouldn’t be looking for that.

Because you have realized what you must do. I don’t know the reason but you do.

No matter how harsh it is, you gotta accept it and move on eventually.

As I said, I was rejected more than enough. Once I realized that I was the reason, not the girls, everything changed.

The Mirror showed me what I must work on. And it will show you too!

It’s a hard pill to swallow!

Your Choice

14

When you want, you can share the reasons in dm or write maitreya one, or share it here if you want. Eventually you hear something that brings further. No reason couldn’t be transmuted bro!

15

I can write publicly. What do I have to lose?

@sikras67 I generally agree with you. You don’t sound harsh, just honest. And I wanted the same. I asked this woman to tell me the reason, to tell me her honest. I said her I preferred brutal honesty. I knew what I was getting into. I knew it would hurt me much more. But I wanted to know.
I was given three reasons.

First – Appearance. She said she liked my looks, but not enough to want to be with me longer.

Second – I don’t know how to call it. We were walking, and she was tired and wanted me to carry her purse. I tried, I struggled, and it made me feel less like a man. Yes, it’s my ego. But I felt that if I ignored my feelings, I would betray myself. Finally, I gave her the purse. She said it was a big disadvantage for her.

Third, and most important in my opinion, is my job. The thing is, I go to work and meet people I honestly dislike. I feel terribly bad there. This has been going on for 5 years. But I don’t see any other option. I live in a place where there aren’t many job opportunities. You work where there’s free place. Especially if, like me, you don’t have a specific education for a specific profession.

But it’s a symbol. The point of all this is that a man who has no purpose in life, who doesn’t develop itself, who is lost in the world. He cannot be stable. He cannot be supportive, his energy in this regard is unattractive, probably repulsive – for a woman.

A fragment of my story is that I’ve experienced too much hurt, disappointment, and ridicule with people. I’ve never been able to build a meaningful relationship with anyone in my life. Not even with my family, my parents, my siblings. I always felt like I was different from everyone else, like an alien—I was even called that for a while.
This woman was the first person in my life who was accepting, warm, and incredibly cheerful. I’d never looked anyone in the eye with such ease, for so long, and so deeply. From the very first moment we met. I felt noticed from the very beginning, that I was important to someone, that someone wanted to listen to me, that someone wanted to spend time with me. We had a similar view of the world. I’d never known that before.
You asked me about hope and faith in what?
That something in my life had finally changed. That for the first time in my life I felt close to someone. That my heart was still capable of love. That someone could love me. I felt connected.
That’s why this separation was simply a shock to me. I feel completely alone in this world again. I don’t even have anyone to tell, so I’m just writing this here on the forum.

The worst part is that I still don’t know what to change, which direction to take. I don’t feel it.

And again, that feeling that you’re just not enough for someone. I’m going crazy.

16

The woman who you experienced warmth, connection with was not a fluke but an indicator of what is possible for you and available to you. She mirrored back to you also your deeper fears. She was a portal, a response to a desire and a clear mirror for your fears. You have a much clearer ground to work from now with a vision that this ability to connect is available to you. It came from you, she just showed it to you. This could just be the start of more warmth and connection for you. Have faith in yourself, lose despair and for a while it might feel like fiddling through the dark, but fiddle away anyways.

17

I agree with @sikras67 and @NatiNati . Please read Neville. He says no one to change but self. People are messengers. We see only who we are, I AM all there is . Again most of us has ancestral baggage of not being worth and safe inside. Please work with all the available fields that you can get from Mai and it will pay itself. Thanks.

18

I can see a big reflection of myself here.

I really think, you learned what you had to. You don’t seem oblivious to your own story.

You know exactly what to do and what to change.

I’ll share with you a bit of my life and maybe this will help you.

My life, especially my relational Life can be summed up in a few words:

Anger, Ridicule, Loneliness, Escapism

Being different in this world is regarded as a terrible attribute. But you can’t deny what is inside. You can mute the Voice for a while, but it can never cease to exist.

I tried to fit in, I really did, but I never could. And the people in my life never paid attention to me. They disrespected me, they bullied me and they treated me like a side Character.

Invisible, unimportant, easily replaceable, not worthy, Entertainment for others.

That’s who I was.

But because no one ever taught me or showed me my own worth, I never recognized it. I became a People Pleaser, without a will of my own. I enjoyed helping others with their projects, with their dreams and their desires, while completely forgetting my own.

Because I had no Value. I didn’t value my Dreams, my desires.

But.

I am and always have been WORTHY.

I just couldn’t see it, now I do.

And it took a long time to see it. In the beginning of my Journey to the top, I still felt inferior.

When Cor*na came around everythign changed.

In one Moment I had 3 friend groups. And in the other moment, they were all gone. Only 1 Friend left. At 21 years old.

No friends, no girlfriend, no real connection to family.

LONELINESS.

That was the toughest time in my life. I fell into a deep despair, gained weight, jerked off a lot and just wasted my time existing. This kept going on for over a year. I wanted to give up many times. Just stopping. Because Life felt hollow. But the Voice inside me that I was suppressing for so long grew stronger. And I started listening to it.

I needed to do something again. Enough was enough. So I joined a boxing Gym. And that turned my life around, because I had found something, to build my Self-Worth back up again. I needed that. No one told me I was worth. I had to find my Value on my own, by my own Power.

Here is a story I shared once, and this changed everything. I recognized my own strength.

No matter how terrible I felt, I am so grateful for these times. Because only then could I start to become a man.

Someone to be respected. A Main Character. A Pillar of pure Strength.

What you are seeking is Self Worth. But you can never find it outside. And no one can give it to you. You have to earn it for yourself, because you are your own Judge!

You reflect to others what is inside. And if inside, there is no worth, then outside there won’t be any as well.

And until you can actually live with yourself, you will always feel terrible. If you don’t feel like a man, do something about it.

What is stopping you? What does it even mean to be a Man?

Don’t ignore your feelings, but don’t be controlled by them.

As a Man, your Emotional Backbone has to come from yourself. Never from “Something” or “Someone”.

Only from you.

So whenever “Something Breaks” or “Someone hurts you”, you don’t fall into the abyss, but land on a soft cushion that is called your Wholeness.

I hope I can help you with this, and BTW these are Things I haven’t fully integrated myself. I am still learning and am not where I want to be yet. I stay humble as well as I can, but sometimes it is still good to show confidence and have that Male Ego shine a little bit :smiley: it is in our nature.

I recommend you get 2 Virtues: Serenity and Hope. You’ll feel super calm.

We are Aliens though don’t forget that :joy: we are not from this world, so we will never truly feel at home here, but we can still make this life very beautiful. And we have Maitreya :folded_hands:

And one more Thing. The Joy of going through hardship and coming out as a new and better Version of yourself is one of the best feelings ever. This is where you can shine. Others get crushed and give up, while you face the Challenge head on and come out on top.

This Forum is a great Place, and it has had real impact on my life. Positive Impact. It is no weakness to share, but rather strength. Taking off the Mask and showing vulnerability is strong. And if the other Party doesn’t recognize it, they are dumb af :smiley: and have their own Problems to solve.

You have listed 3 Things.

  1. Eat healthy and Work out. Go on Semen retention.
  2. Fix your Issues, regarding opinions of other People. I recommend the book The Courage to be disliked. I really really recommend this to you! It will Change you.
  3. If you can’t change the Job for now, change yourself and make it more managable to be around other People, by raising your own Vibration. You’ll automatically uplift others around you and Life will feel easier.

I don’t want to give you all the answers.

It’s funny to me that I’m giving you this Advice, because I should follow it myself haha. I know what to do, and just have to do it.

It’s all about Self worth. And Fields helped me here a lot! Especially Saturn.

Stay strong and always have this one motto in your mind:

“I just keep moving forward”.

19

@Lone_Wolf check your ascendant lord and whether it’s influenced by Saturn, NN, SN, Mars. Difficult position of this indicates that learning self worth is a lesson you chose. It is only a confirmation of what you have felt through life. Use appropriate planetary remedies to fast track your journey.

20

Unfortunately, what I observe in people’s relationships is that they have several things preventing them from having beautiful, deep connections:

  1. They’ve become terribly impatient
  2. They have a list of requirements for the other person, which are usually their own shortcomings — things they themselves can’t offer
  3. They can’t communicate — at the first misunderstanding or something they don’t like, they get angry and end the relationship
  4. They have an idea of “the perfect love” and can’t see the beauty in the people they meet, even though those people are much better than their imagined ideal

All of this is like childish love, not love between adults.

Here’s an example — the woman wanted her bag to be carried, the man felt bad about it and gave it back to her. After you’ve talked about it, one of the two needs to make a compromise next time, rather than ending the relationship right away over something so small. If your partner gives up over this, what’s going to happen when you’re in a major life crisis?

In all successful relationships, what connects people is good sex, good communication, and giving in to your partner when you see that something is more important to them in that moment — with her also making compromises when something is important to you.

In my opinion, pull yourself out of the emotional hole and try to communicate with her about this, if she’s a woman you’d want to be with and she’s worth it. Communication sometimes brings down huge walls, and it’s good to do it from an adult perspective, not from our childhood traumas — meaning, in such crises, you need to be more aware, more attentive, and listen to what the other person is telling you.

There’s a very nice saying — Between two people there are 10 steps. If you take your 5 and don’t meet anyone there, turn around and leave.

Regarding your appearance — I’ve seen you in a photo in a custom fields and you’re a very attractive man, so don’t take this as the truth. Women look much more at what energy you radiate, but maybe in her mind she’s explaining it to herself as appearance.

Take things into your own hands and lead her through this process, be the stronger, more conscious one. Forge your path — that’s masculine energy. It’s very likely she’ll respond to that.

If it doesn’t work out specifically with her, at least you’ll have tried everything 100% and will have activated these new qualities and energies within yourself.

Chin up and act more boldly!

Don’t let the woman lead — you lead her. :slight_smile: