Unshakable Self-Boundaries

Establishing and respecting personal boundaries isn’t just some abstract concept—it’s a life-changing skill that often comes into play when we least expect it. For many people, the idea of saying “no” or pushing back against the demands of others can feel awkward, if not impossible. In some cases, this struggle starts early in life—maybe you grew up in a family where it was safer to stay quiet than to voice your own needs, or in a culture that taught you to always put others first. Over time, you might have learned to keep your wants tucked away and to go with the flow, even when it made you uncomfortable.

This pattern, however, comes at a cost. Without personal boundaries, it’s all too easy to slip into relationships and situations that drain you emotionally and leave you feeling invisible. You might find yourself agreeing to favors you can’t afford, jumping in to fix everyone’s problems, and feeling guilty at the mere thought of putting yourself first. These habits can lead to constant anxiety, simmering resentment, and the sense that you’re living on someone else’s terms rather than your own. Your identity—what you love, what you stand for, and where you draw the line—can get lost in the shuffle.
The good news is that learning to set boundaries can drastically improve your life. When you start saying “no” to requests that don’t sit right with you, you begin to create space for the things that truly matter. It’s like clearing the clutter from a crowded room so you can finally stretch out and breathe. Instead of feeling trapped or resentful, you’ll notice a growing sense of self-respect and inner peace. Over time, people start to understand that you’re not a doormat—that your time, energy, and emotions are worth something. This shift makes it harder for others to sway you, even on an emotional or energetic level. Surprisingly, it can also make your relationships stronger and more authentic. Instead of keeping the peace by suffocating your own needs, you’ll be nurturing connections that honor who you really are.
There’s no denying it: establishing boundaries can feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’ve spent years playing the role of “the nice one.” But as you lean into the discomfort, you’ll find that it’s worth it. The payoff is a newfound confidence, healthier relationships, and a clear sense of self. It’s about finally recognizing that your feelings, time, and energy aren’t just negotiable resources to be tossed around, but valuable parts of who you are. In the end, standing up for yourself doesn’t push others away—it invites them to see you fully and to respect the person you’ve always been, quietly waiting just beneath the surface.
Boosted Digital Mandala

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My heart is beating so strong with that one. I can hear and feel the pulse to my chest and my forehead…

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Boundaries are what you do in response to a person’s behavior.

This field led me to differentiating rules, boundaries, and preferences. I finally came across helpful boundary information after years of practicing.

”I feel x when..” “please don’t..”

Those don’t work for narcissists. All the boundary books say this is how you achieve boundaries. Aka, enacting and imposing preferences and rules on someone who perceives you as an object to be abused at their pleasure. Handing them the baton and hoping they don’t misuse it and hurt you instead.

Enacting rules on someone who abhors rules only perpetuates control, manipulation, and snarkiness on their end.

Working with this field finally exposed:

the lies and harmful ideations about what boundaries are,

lack of teaching in toxic family structures about how to enact consequence,

And the need to gain enough fervor to get out of the rock bottom that narcissists erode you into —financially, emotionally, psychologically— so you rely on them.

So now, boundaries are,

Short and to the point information. Assertive, neutral, information diet.

“I will not respond to you if you continue speaking to me that way.”

And zip it totally if they continue. Leave, if it’s safe to, and in your internal system, make them irrelevant to your life while focusing on what’s important to yours.

Not black and white, narcissistic behavior is crafty.

Maybe for some raised with how to uphold their self walls, this is 101, but being raised by a narcissist or emotionally abusive person, they systematically teach you to undermine yourself and purposely teach you the things that keep you entangled with them. So, instead of building the blocks that would keep you solid, hard to touch, they build you the blocks that keep you harmless, on defense, overly kind and fearful. All to eager to excuse the behavior as, “narc is struggling and doesn’t know better.” Thereby keeping you in an internal fight because, if you’re just xyz enough maybe they’ll stop bothering you (false, it’s a trap).

So, being able to write this just after a month or two of listening is massive for me. I’ve been at this for more than a decade, trapped in spiraling about what I was doing wrong to keep abusive people after me. Now I see clearly. It’s how I was taught to be. And this field is slashing that to :face_with_symbols_on_mouth: bits!

Thank God, thank Goodness, thanks Maitreya!

:sleepy_face:

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Thanks for sharing. Step by step, and you will get to the place where you can feel safe.

There is one thing I learned recently, and it blew my mind off (as a former people pleaser with some bits here and there left)

When someone is trying to manipulate you to do something you don’t want to do, say “NO”. When they ask, but why, etc, say:
“My NO is a full sentence” Period. End of discussion.
:astonished_face:

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Thank you. That day will be the first day of my life.

That will be my next course of action. I can feel how powerful it is, because I’m shaking thinking of enacting it to these people.

I will forever abhor individuals who lead people to fear saying no.

“No.”

Polaris, thank you for your replies.

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