I left everything I knew and everyone I loved behind and moved to Spain with hopes that a fresh start, a new life would bring me a lot of joy.
I’m thriving and I’m exhausted at the same time. The sun gives me a boost, vitality. I live in a cave house where I can do more energy work than ever in my life without getting overloaded. This home is a living being. When I do too much, I need to take a nap, and I am feeling good. My nervous system slowed down because here everyone has a “mañana mindset” and I am freakig out. I got used to overperformance, working hard, doing a lot, and everything needs to be done today. If I had a broadband then I would propably work a lot, but the Universe forced me to sit. The world will not end if I do it mañana 
It felt like punishment, like prison, like hell to me. I wanted to pack my stuff and leave.
The land slowed me down, and when you slow down, you have time to see things clearly.
I miss my family and friends so much. Everyone is saying you’ll meet new people. But it’s not the same. And one of the lessons I learned is that some people are irreplaceable. My friends can’t be replicated. Those connections forged in fire, buried in mud, restored, and tested for years are precious. My bond with family went through so many shitstorms, and now we stand strong.
And I feel I can’t be replaced with a new model, too. It made me appreciate people more, to understand them more, to accept that we all have flaws, we can argue, we can even have silent moments, but I know it will not disappear. Yes, I will see them less, but now that my nervous system has started to calm, so many triggers are no longer valid.
It doesn’t mean I want to go back, I go forward, but I will make sure that I nourish those bonds, those relationships.
People often think “new” will be better. Even in romantic relationships, we have a generation of “next one please” chasing some ideal person that doesn’t even exist. People forget that life is all about ups and downs. You don’t walk on a motorway, you walk through mountains and valleys. Sometimes people get lost in that, they need a map. Sometimes, you need to come back because someone is left behind.
So far, my attempts to socialise and date have been quite funny, with zero actual dates. I even got an offer to make a p…rn with someone I just chatted with about random stuff. The number of invitations would be flattering if not for the intentions behind it, and it is not wrapped, it is pretty straightforward. I’m having cultural shock, and it’s ok. Travels expand you and sometimes surprisingly you start to appreciate small things that you didn’t notice before. That also helps me to understand who I really am. Who do I want?
One of the things I tested here was our cosmetics because I was exposed to completely different energies. And for some reason, I felt I needed to choose one. It was like choosing which version I am going to be.
I love this one the most because it brings me calmness, I feel like I want to be calm Stretch Marks Butter - Queen’s Ointment – Maitreya Cosmetics
But when I came to a new country, I used Whipped Raw Chocolate Body Butter - Etheric Glow – Maitreya Cosmetics because it has boldness, sociability, and I knew I needed that.
Yes, it made me feel more open. I loved that, but I played with both trying to figure out which one is aligned more with me. Queen’s Ointment won. I don’t need boldness, I want to feel centred. And even when Etheric Glow has it, too. Combination of Queen has everything I want for myself. So for me “I am not going to push myself into be bold, because I was bold in the UK, I was brave, I did all the tranformations, shadow work, ancestral healing there” now I want something different and interesting how working with cosmetics can help you to figure it out.
Do you have people in your life that you know can’t be replaced with new connections?
Do you think that you should always invest in new, or sometimes looking back can be worthwhile?
Would you leave everyone behind because you want to grow?
