I’m not sure why, but I felt like sharing a note I made for myself last year, in the context of developing qualities in relationships.
"Are you ready to create a relationship completely free from projections, expectations, divisions, conclusions, judgments, denials, or answers about how it should be and what it should look like?
Are you ready to treat a man with respect?
That means with respect, not judgment. That means not disrespecting the man. If there’s no judgment about the people you’re with and you fully respect them for who they are, then they become who they are, you become who you are, and no one should judge anyone. That’s respect.
Are you ready to trust a man?
That means knowing what a person will do, without making decisions about what you want them to do. For example, knowing your man will never put the toilet seat down. That’s trust. It’s not about thinking, “I’ll teach him to put the toilet seat down.” That doesn’t work. If you assume a man will never put the toilet seat down, you can trust that.
Are you ready to be grateful to a man?
This is where you’re thankful for the person being in your life, thankful for their presence, without judgment, expectations, or projections that you must own or control them. Unlike love, gratitude can only exist in the absence of judgment. Love exists because of judgments. If you’re not grateful to yourself, you can’t be grateful towards others. If you lack gratitude, you’re bound to judge. If you’re grateful to someone in your life, that person doesn’t have to be perfect.
Are you ready to be vulnerable in relationships?
This means you’re ready to receive everything, including the fact that the person can be a jerk and that you can be a jerk sometimes. In vulnerability, you’re ready to show yourself, warts and all, not trying to prove you’re perfect, not trying to prove you understand everything, but being here with a sense of no barriers, no right or wrong."