@sikras67
Well, here I clearly see an ongoing process of separation. You want to get out from under your mom’s influence, and your mom is afraid of losing control and keeps manipulating you through obligation, guilt, and expectations.
You’re falling for it and still believe that you depend on your parents’ approval and criticism.
Plus, this is what I went through: my mom judged my dad. I started working deeply on my relationship with my father and changed how I saw him and my perspectives, because they were actually my mom’s perspectives. And then I became close with my dad.
My mom felt that. She kept criticizing my dad, and she didn’t like that my point of view was different. I told her I see it differently, and that it hurts me because when you criticize him, you’re criticizing me. I’m 50% you and 50% him, so in a way, you’re criticizing me and telling me how bad I am. Then I said: your relationship is your relationship, and my relationship with you and with dad is my relationship. I will love both you, mom, and my dad, no matter what you think about him and no matter what you think about me.
So I actually have a new field idea related to separation. I had this idea a long time ago when I was going through this process myself, but apparently it’s relevant for someone else right now.
Moving on.
I also see that your decision to move out isn’t stupid, but it’s premature, and it’s most likely coming not from your higher self but from your inner child who wants to avoid pain rather than resolve the situation.
In the ancestral system and in systemic constellations, there are three main laws:
Belonging (everyone has a place in the system).
Hierarchy (those who came first - parents come before children).
Balance of giving and taking (especially important in parent-child relationships).
Your mom is breaking the law of belonging: she’s kicking you out of a house that is rightfully the family nest. In constellations, this is considered a serious violation - a mother does not have the right to exclude a child, even an adult one, from the family system.
Demanding rent from a son who has lived in this house his whole life without paying isn’t about money - it’s about taking revenge on your father through you.
It’s also likely that you’ve become a substitute for your father. Your mom is angry at your dad but can’t punish him, so unconsciously she’s making you responsible for his debts.
In this specific situation, moving out is an illusion of freedom. That’s just how I see it. You say you intuitively felt you needed to move out to find your path, but actually your inner child is saying: if I leave, the conflict will end. But it won’t end - it will just move somewhere else.
If you move out, your mom gets what she wants (you would be giving in to her pressure). She gets proof that you’re just like your father and that you abandoned her. Your relationship will fall apart, you’ll live in worse conditions, you’ll be angry at yourself and at her, and you’ll drain your energy there.
If you stay with an internally solid position on all of this, you break her scenario.
Don’t pay her rent - because you’re not a tenant, you’re her son. You can help her financially as a son, voluntarily. But not as a tenant under a contract. That’s a fundamental difference.
You’re asking: can I stay and find my path? I think yes, you can. That would be the strongest decision.
The first thing I would do is stop paying your mom altogether. And I would say: Mom, I’m your son, not a tenant. I’m ready to help you with money as a son, but only when you stop threatening me. As long as there are threats - I’m not giving you a single cent.
Next, separate the house from your mom in your mind. The house is not your mother. The house is where your family lives. Your mom legally owns half of it, but systemically she has no right to kick you out. If she takes you to court, the court will formally side with her, but you can tell the judge: I am her son, I’m willing to pay for utilities, but not rent to my own mother.
I think your financial breakthrough will only happen when you stop reacting to your mom’s provocations. Every time she starts blackmailing you with a lawyer, answer her: do what you have to do, I’m still staying in the house where I grew up.
Plus, you have a really good chance to start your own business with your dad’s help right now, without moving out, and get the support from him that he’s ready to give.
You could tell your mom: Mom, I love you, but I won’t pay you because you’re angry at Dad. That’s between you and him. I’m your son and I won’t get dragged into your war. Your business is your business, your problems are your problems. I will love both of you no matter what kind of relationship you have with each other and no matter how you feel about me.
I don’t think you’re afraid of change. I think you’re still afraid of conflict with your mother. Subconsciously you’ve decided: I’d rather move into a worse apartment and suffer physically than feel my mother’s hatred every minute. That’s a little boy’s survival strategy.
But you’re not little anymore. You can handle her anger. I think staying in the house and not paying her rent is the most mature thing you can do. This isn’t greed - it’s separation. And when you separate not physically but psychologically, opportunities will appear.
In short, moving out right now looks like surrender: you lose money, connection with your father, business support, and self-respect.
Staying but paying rent means staying in the victim position. You’d be confirming that she’s right.
Staying and not paying rent, but helping as a son - with groceries, repairs, money for her needs, but not for living there - I think that’s the right decision.
If you take this step, if you withstand her rage, she will realize something, and a lot will change in your relationship when she understands that you’re not giving in. Then maybe for the first time you’ll talk like adults.
Again, this is just my perspective, not a guide to action. It’s another point of view on this situation. You decide what to choose, because absolutely everything is your choice. And all the responsibility for that choice is yours.
Also, at the same time, I would recommend working with your ancestral system. If you don’t have the Ancestral Transmission, I recommend getting it and sending the fields related to healing the ancestral system - Receiving the Mother, Receiving the Father, Painful Loyalty, and others that resonate with you. Problems in parent relationships are really just unresolved problems with their own parents - rejection, non-acceptance - and it all gets passed down and down and down. So that needs healing.
On top of that, a course on working with your lineage would be very helpful, because I think you need to go deeper into the family system - working with aggression, violence between men and women, and maybe with tangled roles where women take control and dominate.
Also, I would work on changing your identity in the context of your relationship with your parents.
I would write down all the beliefs, all the statements you have about your mom - all the negative ones. Find a way to remove that subconscious test and load in new affirmations, and keep saying them out loud. For example: Mom loves me, Mom respects me as an adult man, Mom is incredibly happy that I look like my father, Mom loves and respects my father. You’ll start to see how this changes her relationship with your father and with you, and very soon you’ll notice the energy shift between you. All of this will start to balance out and lead to some new positive changes.
And in the meantime - here’s the link to the separation field idea.