It helped me a lot in breaking my conditioning related to my role in my family. I sacrificed a lot, and I always put my family first. I always responded to their needs, forgetting about myself. I realized that I am also important.
The biggest part of that was to learn that my own well-being is my responsibility, and their health and mental state is their obligation. I learned that I don’t have to be responsible for everyone. I have my own life to live, and if they decide to waste their energy in negativity and blaming others for everything, I don’t have to stay in this environment.
Of course, they didn’t like the new boundaries and me saying things aloud, but I deserve to be happy on my terms.
I allowed my family to treat me wrong only because I was conditioned to believe that family has more rights than just random people on the street. It is not true. If I would get offended by a stranger saying bad things to me, I should be equally offended if this is my family member. No more explaining toxic behaviour. “It’s my gran. I should forgive her. We are family.”
So, I am not a good girl anymore who will do everything for everyone because they are so lost and full of pain and trauma. It was their choice not to work on it and create a life full of pain. They’ve raised me to be a secret keeper and listen to their problems and complaints over and over again, and no one cared that I was overwhelmed. So, I also had a bit of a victim mentality here.
They actually love me more now and appreciate the things I did for them because my boundaries are strong. But it was hard ![]()